Homemade Mistakes

The other day I was able to finish sewing my toddler a new dress. I've made a dress using the same pattern before, so the process was not completely new to me, but I'm still no expert seamstress. While I was able to sew comfortably without making as many mistakes as the first attempt (during which I had to rip out many seams and start over many times, as well as contact customer service for the pattern I bought to ask a question about how to do one of the steps), I still could not execute the project as cleanly as I would have liked.

When sewing the slightly puffed sleeves onto the dress bodice (one of the most finicky parts of the dress, along with the dreaded placket), I could not get through without puckering parts of the bodice on the front of the dress. I had to cut out one part and start over, but then the same thing happened again anyway, and then again with the second sleeve. Frustrated, I held up the dress to my face to examine my error and sighed. Should I cut the threads and start again, probably with the same result?

pucker one

pucker two

before hemming

In a moment, I decided to leave the mistakes as they were and abandon my impulse to make the dress look "perfect." The dress is homemade, after all, I told myself. It has more character with a bit of mess-up in it. And who's going to notice these small puckers once the entire dress is complete and my goofy, friendly, sweet daughter is inside it?

Homemade life, by which I mean real life (not magazine or Instagram or Facebook life) has flaws. As much as I want to be in control, organized, and on top of things at all times, I'm human. This lesson seems to return to me over and over: I will make mistakes, it's fine to make mistakes, and mistakes can even be good as they teach me important things. Making mistakes shows me and the people around me that I'm a person just like everyone else; mistakes invite openness and trust. Can people be comfortable with someone whose life is essentially a Real Simple photograph?

Furthermore, as my mom always told me (and as experience has shown to be true), people aren't looking that closely at me; they are too busy worrying about themselves! If someone is getting close enough to see a tiny pucker in my life, I am probably returning the favor and we are having a constructive chat about our problems. If that person is secretly judging me in private, then it's not my problem at all.

However, if someone does look at my life, flaws and all, I hope the sweetness of the heart of Jesus can overpower any impression of my personal faults. I'm not perfect, nor can I be in this lifetime, but Jesus told His disciples to "be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). The perfection of God's intentions, desires, mindset, and plans should be visible through my own motives, mindset, and actions, even though I mess up. The puckers and ripped seams are mine; the finished beautiful garment, which will in the end be perfected (Romans 8:22-30), is God's.

The Former Student

Recognition swept across both of their faces as Callie stepped out of the elevator at the floor of her office and almost walked into the person standing there. Both simultaneously said, "Hey, how are you?" Then the older woman waiting to get on the elevator asked, "Did you teach this summer?"

"No, I didn't; it was a nice break," Callie answered with nods of emphasis.

"I know - I came to see you, but you weren't there - I figured you weren't teaching. Hey, what did you think of my 'Goodman Brown' paper?" Jane, confident, without fishing for a compliment, asked in her pleasantly loud voice.

"I thought it was good, really insightful, in-depth," Callie answered truthfully, though caught off-guard by the question, and having had a solid three months of break, having moved to a new city, and having planned for a new semester all since reading that final research paper.

"Oh, thank you! I just knew it was good. Thank you, Ms. Trindle!" Jane poured out the words with genuine delight, though her countenance displayed a sense of self-assurance and a knowledge that she was fine with our without this bit of affirmation. "Your class was my favorite class of all time, so far in my school," she added.

"Well, good; I'm glad you enjoyed it," Callie said, still taken a little aback.

"You're an awesome teacher," Jane continued, but with an air of ending the brief encounter so both ladies could move on with their schedules.

Callie, laughing, not sure how to respond, but wanting to do so graciously, said, "Thanks - you were an awesome student!" She really meant it, too, although that language, borrowed from Jane's remark, would not have been her own choice, she being such a deliberate and subdued teacher. Relating to students on a personal level had always both excited and puzzled her: how casual could she be? Could she let her guard down, or didn't she have to maintain that invisible boundary, for authority's sake? She was so young, after all, for a college teacher (in her mind, anyway): twenty-six, and just recently married, with no kids to add any of that almost intangible "mom-gravity" to her person, that gravitas that some teachers seemed to have, maybe since they were used to taking no nonsense from their own little 'students' at home. Callie did not reflect on all of these thoughts often, but her general picture of herself was definitely tinged with the drab colors of small, pervasive doubts and cautions.

The carpet and walls looked sharper as she walked back to her office after this conversation with her former student. Half-closed blinds and some buildings outside obstructed the view through the window at the end of the hallway, so that as she walked towards it, Callie could only see a small patch of what happened to be a bright blue sky.

Charm Bracelet Wisdom

I have a charm bracelet somewhere. It's silver and jingly and a bit too heavy to wear comfortably. All those memories! The problem is that I can't find it. Since I cannot remember the last time I wore or saw it, I am not sure if it would have been packed into a moving box from my college days, from the time my parents moved from my childhood home to a new city, or from one of my many moves since getting married and living in three different cities and several apartments. Is it tucked away in a little white cardboard box with gauzy padding? Is it hiding at the bottom of a drawer underneath assorted items unrelated to jewelry? Did I drop it in a random parking lot?

If my charm bracelet had been a staple part of my daily ensemble, I doubt that it would now be lost. It is such a noticeable piece to wear, due to its weight and the sounds it makes, that if it had fallen off somehow, surely I would have been aware immediately and been able to pick it up. During each of my many moves, it would have been packed with care and attention. I would have been able to unpack it and wear it again after settling into the new place.

The silver charm bracelet makes me think of the proverbs that compare wisdom with silver, gold, and jewels. Wisdom, personified, speaks:

Take my instruction instead of silver, and knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is better than jewels, and all that you may desire cannot compare with her. (Proverbs 8:10-11)

Wisdom and knowledge in themselves are more precious than tangible, physical wealth. Additionally, what results in a person's life because she seeks wisdom is more precious than riches: 

My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold, and my yield than choice silver. (Proverbs 8:19)

What are the results of seeking wisdom? Proverbs 8 mentions many qualities that wisdom possesses, such as nobility, truth, insight, strength, justice, and righteousness. To wrap it all up, wisdom declares that "whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord" (8:35) rather than "injur[y]" and "death" (36). Yes, life and favor from the God of the universe seem more valuable than silver! I would like to find those things more than my missing charm bracelet.

Proverbs further explains that the "fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (9:10). The way to start seeking wisdom is to revere and acknowledge the sovereignty of the Holy God who made us and knows what is ultimately best for us, trusting and submitting ourselves to His loving care. But Psalm 111:10 suggests that the fear of the Lord is not just a decision to be made in one moment and then forgotten:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!

To seek and to attain wisdom, we must continually practice the fear of the Lord. It is an ongoing choice we must exercise as we make decisions, talk with people, and work at our jobs. The fear of the Lord should be part of the daily ensemble with which we dress ourselves. "His praise endures forever," and we can make our lives a part of that forever praise.

It is a big challenge to daily practice the fear of the Lord in my own life, with a toddler and a house to keep up with, and when even getting enough sleep is difficult to achieve. But I know that I don't want my relationship with God, and the wisdom and blessing that come with knowing Him, to be lost in a box somewhere. I want to keep these precious things close to me, like a piece of jewelry that I wear every day. I want them to be so habitual that if I drop them, I notice something missing. I'm praying that God will help me see the small and simple ways throughout the day that I can seek and honor Him.