"Be a Man"

My sister and I, now in our late twenties, still like to sing the funny "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Disney's Mulan. Every once in a while, something will remind us of the song, and we'll adopt our goofy "man" voices and belt it out. The chorus lyrics (by Donny Osmond) are:

Be a man
We must be swift as the coursing river
Be a man
With all the force of a great typhoon
Be a man
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

With the exception of the last line, the characteristics of "man" in this song are related to physical prowess. Even the last line about a man being "mysterious" only seems to indicate that a man should hide something (what he is thinking or feeling, perhaps?). Does being a man really lie in the physical only? Does a man have to be burly to truly "be a man"?

Granted, the men (and one girl) singing the song in the movie are training for battle, so their focus is mostly on becoming physically fit, and rightly so. There can be a problem, though, when we tend to think of the military or similar types of jobs as the truly manly ones and thereby exclude important elements of manliness from our definitions.

I've come across a window decal with two stick figures, one plain and one in military uniform. Under the plain figure are the words "Your bro her."* Under the military figure are the words "My brother." It's fine to support the military, but is lack of strength equivalent to lack of manliness?

What about a man's character, for example? A man can be strong but lack integrity or kindness and therefore not be truly manly at all. Think of a muscly man coming across someone who just dropped a few bags of groceries in the parking lot. Instead of helping, what if he keeps walking, looking the other way? Is he manly?

Or consider wisdom. A man can be strong (and even extremely intelligent) and yet lack wisdom. Maybe he is full of arrogance, takes unnecessary risks, and gambles away his family's finances, leaving them to fend for themselves. Is he manly?

Of course, we can recognize when we think about it that character and wisdom are only two of many elements of manliness. Is physical strength one of them? Yes, on the whole. Generally speaking, men are physically stronger than women (though there are exceptions, of course), and God designed them that way! Their strength can be manly when used in service of the comprehensive masculinity God intends, or it can go against God's design and be used in an utterly unmanly way (such as aggressive, malicious violence).

Perhaps the window decal is referring not to physical strength but to bravery or self-sacrifice required to serve in the military (appropriate characteristics to be admired). Still, I see examples of selfless and courageous men being truly manly in other jobs, such as landscape design and accountancy. Their courage and selflessness show up when they work endless hours for their families, trust God's direction even when it seems crazy, and love their wives and kids even though they are exhausted.

My point is not to downplay the importance of the sacrifice made by those in the military (I cannot imagine the difficulties associated) but to reflect on what truly makes a masculine man. Proverbs 19:22 says, "That which is desirable in a man is his loyalty and unfailing love" (AMP). The ESV says, "What is desired in a man is steadfast love," and the NASB translates what is desired as "kindness." Whatever the translation, clearly an attractive man is a kind, loving, loyal man, who may or may not be physically strong.

*I searched for an image of this decal online and couldn't find it. I learned that the original decal reads "Your brother. My brother." Apparently the version I saw had had one of its "t"s scratched off as a kind of non-thoughtful joke or misguided assertion.

One Thing at a Time

"Stressed" defined my days. Sure, partly tiredness was creeping in and adding tension, but it was more than that. While I was taking care of the laundry and meals and such, I also had all of these projects in my head that I couldn't stop planning. I lamented my mere forty minutes a day (the length my daughter will sleep without me for her nap) in which I could sit down and knit, read, write, sew, etc., because I had so much more I wanted to do!

Then I read something in Jerry Bridges' Trusting God, the book my small group is going through this semester, about the stress we feel when we have two conflicting agendas (ours and God's) instead of one (God's). The passage seemed to fit what I was experiencing. I thought, I need to get rid of the extra agenda in my life and just focus on God's agenda for me.

But what does that look like? What is God's agenda?

I don't know exact details of God's plan for my life down to the minute, obviously, and I don't think we are even supposed to try to figure out "God's will" and wait around until He gives us some kind of grand sign telling us exactly what the next step is. No; I must take care of daily needs of myself and family, do the best I can to prayerfully thank God for what He provides, and cultivate a gracious attitude towards myself and the people around me.

While I may not know God's "agenda" for my life in a specific sense, here's one thing I know: I can only do one thing at a time. God made me a finite human being, capable of truly focusing well on any one given task. When I spend my energy imagining a multitude of tasks I can't reasonably accomplish in my allotted time, I'm being wasteful, and I'm not helping my attitude or my family. If instead I focus on enjoying the one thing that's been given me to do in the moment (read with my daughter) or that I choose to do in my free time (knit a soft grey hat), I feel happier, and I feel more of a sense of fulfillment in whatever I'm doing.

For the past week or so, I've been hearing "one thing at a time" running through my mind, and the simplified approach has helped my attitude and emotional state, even though my circumstances have not changed. I've felt more productive, even though I'm probably not actually doing any more than I would have had my attitude not shifted.

Praise God that He asks us for simple (though not always easy!) things:

"Mankind, He has told you what is good
and what it is the Lord requires of you:
to act justly,
to love faithfulness,
and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)

Micah 6:8 describes God's agenda for me and for everyone. How the agenda works itself out in the day-to-day, well, I hope I'll answer that question one thing at a time.

Learning from Jane

I finished listening to Jane Eyre the other day. Jane (as I like to affectionately call it) is my favorite book, and every reading it seems I catch something new in it, usually based on where I am in life at the time. This listen proved no exception; in fact, two elements stood out to me this go around - one an exhortation, the other an encouragement. We all need both of those from time to time!

Lately I've been a complainer. Realistically, I've always been a complainer. My personality tends towards pessimism and at the same time perfectionism. The combination of straining for gold while seeing only dirt can lead me to voice a constant stream of negativity. My complaining doesn't help anyone in my family, and it might hurt me most of all, since I am not content when I'm complaining. Constant lack of contentment eats away at me so that I feel downcast when, objectively, there's nothing wrong. Indeed, I have much to be thankful for.

The exhortation from Jane came over the course of the whole book as I paid attention to the bones of her life. Partly determined by time in history, partly by her station, Jane's life is simple. She doesn't have the expectation that entertainment should always be available at her fingertips. She doesn't begrudge hard work, diligent study, or the consequences of her own actions. In each stage of her life, she is satisfied with sometimes menial, day-to-day tasks and fellowship with a few people whom she calls friends.

Where is my satisfaction with the little things? If I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a few people to love and care for, should I not be content? If I have daily chores to accomplish and can even find time in my schedule, however brief, for doing something merely for my own refreshment, should I not call myself blessed?

Jane's encouragement, like her exhortation, deals with contentment. Since having a baby and leaving my full-time job, I've struggled with feeling like some part of me is being wasted and - what's more frightening - might be wasting away. Daily care of a one-year-old is, simply put, boring. There's nothing particularly intellectually engaging about singing silly songs, reading simple books, and mopping up messes from the floor under the kitchen table. Sometimes I hear a nagging voice telling me that I'm missing something in life now that I have stepped away from the adult, productive world into a world of little things.

When Jane accepts a humble teaching position from Mr. Rivers, she steps into a world of little things compared with what she has known previously:

". . . I accept it with all my heart."

 "But you comprehend me?" he said. "It is a village-school: your scholars will be only poor girls . . . What will you do with your accomplishments? What, with the largest portion of your mind - sentiments - tastes?"

"Save them till they are wanted. They will keep."

They will keep. Those words reassure me as I wonder if my "former life" is all pointless now. When will I again need to use what I learned back then? Maybe never in the ways I was accustomed to before, but probably in some unexpected ways my previous learning and experience will come into play again. If nothing else, I know God made me for Himself and put those learning opportunities, talents, interests, and work experiences in my path and in my heart for many reasons, even if I don't know now what the reasons will be in the future.

As a stay-at-home mom, may I learn to be content with the simple things, be thankful for the beautiful blessings God sends my way every day (bubble baths, tickles and giggles, tiny adorable outfits on my little one), and trust that the place I am now is important. Whatever is most valuable that God has woven into the fabric of my life is still being developed right now, and if any part is "on hold," it will keep.